he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
