with your own penis?
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
