the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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