I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
