my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
