i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
