Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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