Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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