I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
