i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
