Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
