What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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