I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm passing your future prison.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
