I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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