Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Someone shattered a urinal.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
