beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
