The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
