can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
