Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
NoShamevember. You game?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
