My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My vagina is officially offended.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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