why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
