Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
