Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
