so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
