First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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