there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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