I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
