it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
