After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
