thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Congratulations! We have a period
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
