tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
