Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
