Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
