I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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