STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
