you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
