Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
