I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
