Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
