my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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