You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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