my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
