just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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