You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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