no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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