i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
