dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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