Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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