I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
