Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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