Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
