Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
In America we eat man semen.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
