Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
