we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
